The Moment I Knew

#np: The Moment I Knew ~ Taylor Swift

There was one thing missing,

and that was the moment I knew.

Hey

so this is Barbara Palvin and she's a Hungarian model. woots.

Very beautiful human being :)

-breathes deeply-

I'm just tired, that's all.

As some of you know, I'm actually horribly emotional.

Some people don't understand why. Some do.

I don't mean to be that way.

I don't mean to be annoying.

I don't mean to care so much.

I don't mean to be possessive towards what or who I love.

It seems like you guys can make your own judgments towards me.

No one is holding you back.

I don't know now.

okay bye.

Lost in confusion, like an illusion.

#np: Nothing Like Us ~ Justin Bieber

I gave you everything, babe,

Everything I had to give.

I behaved horribly today. I'm sorry.

I was being selfish.

I was being emotionally needy.

I shouldn't have acted like that.
I'm sorry that I ruined your day.

I would understand if you are annoyed or angry at me.

I get it.

Being how I am should not have affected how I act.

I would understand if you even stopped talking to me.

I'm sorry that you guys have a friend like me.

I truly am. I don't deserve you guys.

So yeah.

Happy Chinese New Year though.

Baby, I would :)

#np: I Would ~ Justin Bieber

If I could take away the pain,

and put a smile on your face,

Baby, I would.

Baby, I would.

HEYYYY GUYSSS WHADDUP

anyways, I went out with my other Drunk Avengers members last Monday :D

That bunch of niggas made me wait for an hour for them in front of the Pavilion, alone.

HEH. apparently when i texted Beat that I was there,

She was almost ENTERING the bathroom -___-

We ate like buffet at Suki-ya.

Becca taught us that after you cook the meat,

dip it into raw eggs.

I know that sounds really weird and I was like dafuq.

But honestly, IT WAS AWESOMEEEEE.

We talked and talked and gossiped about what's going on in our lives.

And just ate. Beatrice poked a smiley face on a tofu.

I kept checking myself out on the glass behind Becca's head.

Becca was eating and eating while Chum was all ears.

and then, we went to walk to Lot 10 and out of the blue,

we sat down at Chatime and I was the only one having a drink.

Chum said my drink had worms in it.

-__________-

and then we went back to Pavilion, decided to watch Les Miserables since Mama's screening time wasn't good.

The girl at the counter said the movie's name is Less Miserable.

And me and Beat were like laughing hahahah.

It's supposed to be pronounced as Le Mizerab as it means the miserables :)

Anywho,

the movie was good.

It would be boring for people who have absolutely ZERO interest in it,

and cuz the movie starts with singing and ends with singing.

There's not more than 10 sentences in the movie.

I SWEAR.

Apparently, Chum cried and Beat and Becca were making noises beside me ;)

And almost at the end, me and Beatrice were making kissy faces at each other,

which annoyed the hell out of Becca who was in the middle. LOL

hehhehehe

look at that princess awwwh

heheheheh

trying to be sexy while buying stuff. #fail

beat being so yeng

i didnt notice becca was squished down there hahaha

awwwh look at beat. she looks so adorable awwwh

peekaboo ;)

It was a good night, overall.

and that's the first time I ever went back at 8pm.

I guess that's how we look like walking down the streets of New York ;)

AND I WENT TO THIS BIEBER EVENT ON SATURDAY.

and i had to write an article about it.

IT WAS POSTED ON MALAYSIANDIGEST.
THIS

AND IM SOOO HAPPY HEHHE c:

thanks daddy mwah xoxo

I'll put on my raincoat

#np: Yellow Raincoat ~ Justin Bieber

Guess i’ll put on my raincoat, my yellow raincoat
Baby it’s keeping me fright
I put on my raincoat, my yellow raincoat
You know exactly why

This song might be so weird to people because they don't understand the meaning behind it.

But what the song means,

It's deep man.

As deep as the Mariana 海沟。

I'm seriously so done with people.

All they do is piss me off.

Be however you wanna be,

Just keep in mind that,

every deed has its prize,

even bad ones, but expect the prizes to be as bad as how you act.

For example:

If you fake to be good,

then you're gonna get a fake prize,

and then you're gonna realize that and you're gonna cry,

and no one's gonna help you, lemme tell you that.

How I wish I could write more here.

But nah, I'll let you figure it out by yourself.

Since you people are so smart.

You know what? Being called pretty, smart, etc.

It's all on the surface. How much do they matter to you?

A fake smile, it's on the surface.

How much can you know the real person if all you see is the surface?

Being a manager of a big company. It's just a name.

Does that define you who you are?

Of course not.

So what if you have money? So what if you're smart?

What defines you is who you are inside.

But I guess that doesn't really matter in this world now.

It's all:

Money/Fame/Power > Life

You people would die just to get money or fame or power.

But after you die, what would be left?

your name?

You would be famous for lying and cheating to get what you want.

Your power would be passed to other more deserving person.

Don't deny things. Don't.

And don't put the blame on others,

Or even be fake.

Just don't.

xoxo

Trust Issues.

#np: Trust Issues ~ Justin Bieber (cover)

All I care about is money and the city that I’m from
Imma sing until I feel it, Imma sing it 'til it’s done
And I don’t need to say what's up, and my excuse is that I’m young
And I’m only getting older somebody should've told ya

So hey yup. Been a crazy few days, or week.

Just frustrated about some stuff that has been bothering me for awhile.

I'm completely confused on how people do things nowadays. This post is gonna be long. Bear with me here. 

So lemme start with.... on how people would do anything to feel better or to gain something. I know some people who say bad things about other people to everyone because they want to feel superior, to feel like they're better than the people they are talking about. Or even lie to cover up their own faults by blaming it on everyone else. Or gets close to people to gain more power. I even know some people who call others names or call them to kill themselves so they would feel better. What if they really did kill themselves after what you said?

You don't know how the other person would feel when you say those things. You might be joking, and they might be smiling at your so-called 'joke' but inside, they might be hurt. I was once called fat, ugly, idk what else for the whole year. And I still get those now and then. And I got that 'kill myself' thing a few times. Do you know how I felt when someone said that to me?

And if you want to be on the top, MAKE EFFORT, instead of kissing up on people's butt. That's all I have to say about this.

Whenever someone critics something about you, think about it. Think whether you have really made a mistake like that. Whether you act like that. Instead of being ignorant, and saying that that person is wrong. To me, as long as your attitude is fine, whenever people critic about you, you don't have to worry even though you still have to think about it. But when your attitude is bad, and people say something about it, THINK HARD about it. Look at yourself from their shoes. What made them say that? And how can I fix that? Instead of putting the blame on them, or saying, "It's your problem, not mine."

And the children nowadays. I have a few words to describe them: disrespectful, selfish, ignorant.

Not even a sound of thank you or please or sorry. And when they don't like you, they seriously glare at you and expecting a hole to appear on your face. My 5-year-old cousin, my favourite cousin, my little brother. Since he left my house to live with his grandma (his dad's side), he knows how to swear. AND HE IS ONLY 5. He's a big Directioner and he loves Zayn Malik so much. But swearing at five...?

I was out to change into my PE shirt with a few of my friends and we met up with one of the cleaner at school toilet. She told us about the story about the girl who made a mess in the toilet at 7th floor, and just left 'them' there. Cleaners have feelings too and I honestly pity them for having to face these kinds of people. They are just ladies trying to make some honest money and they are really nice, if you take time to get to know them. The cleaner that talked to us had the most beautiful smile ever.

What have become to our generation? Where everyone takes the easy road without thinking of the consequences? Where our hearts are frozen, like we don't have any feelings for others but ourselves? We think about no one but ourselves. When what we say, is not what we do. Not at all.

Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. But have a heart. Don't use the 'we all make mistakes' excuse to cover up your guilty butt. or the 'be yourself' excuse. You can be yourself, but be yourself who has a heart.

Tzarina.

like a skyscraper.

#np: Skyscraper ~ Demi Lovato

You can take everything I have,

You can break everything I am,

Like I'm made of glass,

Like I'm made of paper.

go on and try to tear me down,

I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper.

On Friday night,

I moved to the hospital for the night to take care of my mom after her surgery.

I thought I was gonna have difficulty finding a place to sleep.

but I was smart and I ended up sleeping like I was dead.

And I finished my homework there.

There's like McDonalds in front of the hospital,

so basically every meal I had when I was there was:

MCDONALDS.

I wanna burn the calories,

but EFFORT.

and I also skipped Saturday's school.

But we had a performance on the night so I still had to go.

After rehearsal, went to Beatrice's house.

She had to go to tuition halfway,

and I ended up talking to Ali for 3 hours.

I'm gonna miss her when she leaves for US.

sigh.

Anyways, I squeezed into my little black dress, with some kind of legging,

and my blue crocs.

And Chum fetched me from Beat's house and there we go :)

The school provided Chicken Chop for our dinner.

And as a girl who has needs for food,

finished Reika's fries.

and I asked myself why am I fat. -____-

And carried the double bass up and down from 2nd floor to the hall.

My right arm is sore today because of that.

I was excited to perform with Chum for the first time though.

She looked so gorgeous, that I feel even more self conscious.

I went on the stage, not really nervous.

My heart rate was fine.

But my palms were sweating.

And my mom's heels were killing me.

there's no fashion without a little pain.

But when I had to carry the bass back up,

I took off my heels and gave them to Beatrice,

and walked barefoot.

Overall, I think it was alright.

No big mistakes, sort of ><

and went off stage and found Beatrice and after that met up with Becca.

But they stayed inside while me and Chum,

were outside goofing off.

and she laughed until she cried while I laughed until I had stomach cramp.

No complaints about last night.

I had fun. with you guys :)

Can't wait for next Monday, seriously.

Here're some other pictures :)

these two were singing something about homeboys. idek.

my three saviours.

husband and drunk sister c:

me and my hawt body. ew. NO. JK.

me and you against the world, sweetheart.

Don't say No the camera, gorgeous.

Becca: Tzarina is invisible in the dark.

awwwwwwhhhh

girls in my orchestra

husband and wife awwwh

and finally, we got a picture of all four of us together.

for you homies who are having a hard time,

you matter to me more than you know.

Never say that you're not worth it,

because you are.

And I love you.

Keep fighting and never quit.

I'll be there to catch you, I promise.

and my shoulder and my hugs are always there for you.

xoxo

A little rant.

So I was kind of pissed off at people on Friday.

I was being nice and saying it nicely,

and you just snapped at me,

and expect me not to be angry about it?

I was very angry.

I didn't even want to talk to you.

Honestly, I don't even want to look at you for the rest of my life.

But that's a problem.

I mean I don't expect everyone to be nice to me.

But I have known you for years.

I have never crossed you,

I have never caused you any harm,

I never even scolded you even if I felt hurt from you.
And I was there when you cried, when you needed to talk to someone.

And you just scolded me just like that?

And later just talked to me like nothing happened?

uh, no.

Just expect me to stop talking to you for awhile.