I'll put on my raincoat

#np: Yellow Raincoat ~ Justin Bieber

Guess i’ll put on my raincoat, my yellow raincoat
Baby it’s keeping me fright
I put on my raincoat, my yellow raincoat
You know exactly why

This song might be so weird to people because they don't understand the meaning behind it.

But what the song means,

It's deep man.

As deep as the Mariana 海沟。

I'm seriously so done with people.

All they do is piss me off.

Be however you wanna be,

Just keep in mind that,

every deed has its prize,

even bad ones, but expect the prizes to be as bad as how you act.

For example:

If you fake to be good,

then you're gonna get a fake prize,

and then you're gonna realize that and you're gonna cry,

and no one's gonna help you, lemme tell you that.

How I wish I could write more here.

But nah, I'll let you figure it out by yourself.

Since you people are so smart.

You know what? Being called pretty, smart, etc.

It's all on the surface. How much do they matter to you?

A fake smile, it's on the surface.

How much can you know the real person if all you see is the surface?

Being a manager of a big company. It's just a name.

Does that define you who you are?

Of course not.

So what if you have money? So what if you're smart?

What defines you is who you are inside.

But I guess that doesn't really matter in this world now.

It's all:

Money/Fame/Power > Life

You people would die just to get money or fame or power.

But after you die, what would be left?

your name?

You would be famous for lying and cheating to get what you want.

Your power would be passed to other more deserving person.

Don't deny things. Don't.

And don't put the blame on others,

Or even be fake.

Just don't.

xoxo

Trust Issues.

#np: Trust Issues ~ Justin Bieber (cover)

All I care about is money and the city that I’m from
Imma sing until I feel it, Imma sing it 'til it’s done
And I don’t need to say what's up, and my excuse is that I’m young
And I’m only getting older somebody should've told ya

So hey yup. Been a crazy few days, or week.

Just frustrated about some stuff that has been bothering me for awhile.

I'm completely confused on how people do things nowadays. This post is gonna be long. Bear with me here. 

So lemme start with.... on how people would do anything to feel better or to gain something. I know some people who say bad things about other people to everyone because they want to feel superior, to feel like they're better than the people they are talking about. Or even lie to cover up their own faults by blaming it on everyone else. Or gets close to people to gain more power. I even know some people who call others names or call them to kill themselves so they would feel better. What if they really did kill themselves after what you said?

You don't know how the other person would feel when you say those things. You might be joking, and they might be smiling at your so-called 'joke' but inside, they might be hurt. I was once called fat, ugly, idk what else for the whole year. And I still get those now and then. And I got that 'kill myself' thing a few times. Do you know how I felt when someone said that to me?

And if you want to be on the top, MAKE EFFORT, instead of kissing up on people's butt. That's all I have to say about this.

Whenever someone critics something about you, think about it. Think whether you have really made a mistake like that. Whether you act like that. Instead of being ignorant, and saying that that person is wrong. To me, as long as your attitude is fine, whenever people critic about you, you don't have to worry even though you still have to think about it. But when your attitude is bad, and people say something about it, THINK HARD about it. Look at yourself from their shoes. What made them say that? And how can I fix that? Instead of putting the blame on them, or saying, "It's your problem, not mine."

And the children nowadays. I have a few words to describe them: disrespectful, selfish, ignorant.

Not even a sound of thank you or please or sorry. And when they don't like you, they seriously glare at you and expecting a hole to appear on your face. My 5-year-old cousin, my favourite cousin, my little brother. Since he left my house to live with his grandma (his dad's side), he knows how to swear. AND HE IS ONLY 5. He's a big Directioner and he loves Zayn Malik so much. But swearing at five...?

I was out to change into my PE shirt with a few of my friends and we met up with one of the cleaner at school toilet. She told us about the story about the girl who made a mess in the toilet at 7th floor, and just left 'them' there. Cleaners have feelings too and I honestly pity them for having to face these kinds of people. They are just ladies trying to make some honest money and they are really nice, if you take time to get to know them. The cleaner that talked to us had the most beautiful smile ever.

What have become to our generation? Where everyone takes the easy road without thinking of the consequences? Where our hearts are frozen, like we don't have any feelings for others but ourselves? We think about no one but ourselves. When what we say, is not what we do. Not at all.

Nobody is perfect. We all make mistakes. But have a heart. Don't use the 'we all make mistakes' excuse to cover up your guilty butt. or the 'be yourself' excuse. You can be yourself, but be yourself who has a heart.

Tzarina.

like a skyscraper.

#np: Skyscraper ~ Demi Lovato

You can take everything I have,

You can break everything I am,

Like I'm made of glass,

Like I'm made of paper.

go on and try to tear me down,

I will be rising from the ground like a skyscraper.

On Friday night,

I moved to the hospital for the night to take care of my mom after her surgery.

I thought I was gonna have difficulty finding a place to sleep.

but I was smart and I ended up sleeping like I was dead.

And I finished my homework there.

There's like McDonalds in front of the hospital,

so basically every meal I had when I was there was:

MCDONALDS.

I wanna burn the calories,

but EFFORT.

and I also skipped Saturday's school.

But we had a performance on the night so I still had to go.

After rehearsal, went to Beatrice's house.

She had to go to tuition halfway,

and I ended up talking to Ali for 3 hours.

I'm gonna miss her when she leaves for US.

sigh.

Anyways, I squeezed into my little black dress, with some kind of legging,

and my blue crocs.

And Chum fetched me from Beat's house and there we go :)

The school provided Chicken Chop for our dinner.

And as a girl who has needs for food,

finished Reika's fries.

and I asked myself why am I fat. -____-

And carried the double bass up and down from 2nd floor to the hall.

My right arm is sore today because of that.

I was excited to perform with Chum for the first time though.

She looked so gorgeous, that I feel even more self conscious.

I went on the stage, not really nervous.

My heart rate was fine.

But my palms were sweating.

And my mom's heels were killing me.

there's no fashion without a little pain.

But when I had to carry the bass back up,

I took off my heels and gave them to Beatrice,

and walked barefoot.

Overall, I think it was alright.

No big mistakes, sort of ><

and went off stage and found Beatrice and after that met up with Becca.

But they stayed inside while me and Chum,

were outside goofing off.

and she laughed until she cried while I laughed until I had stomach cramp.

No complaints about last night.

I had fun. with you guys :)

Can't wait for next Monday, seriously.

Here're some other pictures :)

these two were singing something about homeboys. idek.

my three saviours.

husband and drunk sister c:

me and my hawt body. ew. NO. JK.

me and you against the world, sweetheart.

Don't say No the camera, gorgeous.

Becca: Tzarina is invisible in the dark.

awwwwwwhhhh

girls in my orchestra

husband and wife awwwh

and finally, we got a picture of all four of us together.

for you homies who are having a hard time,

you matter to me more than you know.

Never say that you're not worth it,

because you are.

And I love you.

Keep fighting and never quit.

I'll be there to catch you, I promise.

and my shoulder and my hugs are always there for you.

xoxo

A little rant.

So I was kind of pissed off at people on Friday.

I was being nice and saying it nicely,

and you just snapped at me,

and expect me not to be angry about it?

I was very angry.

I didn't even want to talk to you.

Honestly, I don't even want to look at you for the rest of my life.

But that's a problem.

I mean I don't expect everyone to be nice to me.

But I have known you for years.

I have never crossed you,

I have never caused you any harm,

I never even scolded you even if I felt hurt from you.
And I was there when you cried, when you needed to talk to someone.

And you just scolded me just like that?

And later just talked to me like nothing happened?

uh, no.

Just expect me to stop talking to you for awhile.

idk what to put here

#np: Six Degrees of Separation ~ The Script

Fake a smile, yeah, lie and say that,
You're better now than ever, and your life's okay
When it's not.

Sometimes,

I wonder why do I care so much,

about things, about people.

Why do I get attached so quick.

And I always get hurt.

I never really learn from the past.

And then I get all pissy because the other person

doesn't give as much effort as I do.

Whatever.

So,

I can't go Taiwan which is awesome.

Notice my sarcasm? yes?

So I'm officially turning off my phone, twitter and facebook for this Sunday.

Find me if you can.

Peace.

you make me love you

#np: 7 Things ~ Miley Cyrus

The 7 things I like about you

Your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's

And when we kiss, I'm hypnotized

You make me laugh, you make me cry

But I guess that's both I'll have to buy

Your hand in mine

When we're intertwined everything's alright

I want to be

With the one I know

And the 7th thing I like the most that you do

You make me love you

You do (oh)

HIIIIIII

this song is like so old.

I think I heard it when I was like eleven, which was six years ago.

I still have Miley's first album. hahaha

I used to be obsessed with her songs.

Anyways,

Mom was in the hospital for two days but they postponed her surgery to next week,

so she had to come back home -____-

Government Hospitals.

SHOULD HAVE KNOWN.

and i didn't go to school today.

and I was sick anyways and tired.

I was kinda up all night last night until 4am.

and then I heard that school is canceled tomorrow.

PARTAYYYY

\

My Maths teacher is so awkward omg.

He's even more awkward than me,

and that's saying something.

And I'm not enjoying my English class HELP.

and Programming. WHY DO WE NEED IT.

I miss my girls. We have swag.

Unicorn swag. or Magical swag, that is.

Even Selena agrees. Like we don't have to worry about not being close anymore.

And we seriously grab people's attention when we go crazy.

I mean,

where else can you see girls, in a group,

laughing and not caring how we look like?

hmm? anyone?

I love messing with them though hahahahha

Their reactions are all different and priceless.

I'm a naughty unicorn.

and all those haters,

you ain't bringing me down,

I'll be on top before you know it.

COME AT ME BRO

I'm babbling nonsense but idc cuz I'm Tzar and I shine bright like a potato :D

And there was this People's Choice Awards or sth like that,

and Taylor got an award, look at what happened there:

Look's like someone's a Directioner LOL

oh and I'm colouring my hair like this after SPM:

OKAY IM DONE BEING HYPER HAHAHAH.

and to the person who's middle name is Erwin:

xoxo

shattered.

just a post in the middle of the morning.

Have you ever found out about something,

and then suddenly, your chest feels heavy,

your eyes start watering,

and your throat starts being painful?

My past is really haunting me today.

First the names.

Then this.

When you tell them it's okay to choose that,

as long as they're happy.

But actually,

you can hear your heart shatter into a million pieces,

and your face changes its emotions.

Do you know how hard it is to hold the tears by then,

when the more you talk,

the more you find out,

is all bad news?

Fake Or Real?

SOOOO,

I heard Haylor is over.

My exact reaction:

I don't wanna sound mean,

but I just...

I don't like them together, okay?

But my baby Harry awwwwh....

I wonder if he feels sad or hurt.

or happy

I told you, Harry...

So,

I guess we'll be waiting for her next album.

Alright then.

BUT BUT JELENA BROKE UP?

THAT IS LIKE THE ONE COUPLE I DO NOT WANT TO SEE BREAK UP.

like man.

I love you both together.

-sobs-

Imma go and cry at the corner now. BYE.

xoxo

Take A Bow

#np: Take A Bow ~ Rihanna

don't tell me you're sorry cuz you're not,

baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught.

It's totally okay for humans to make mistakes,

Nobody is perfect.

And everyone deserves a second chance,

in anything,

to be quite honest.

But to do something,

even though you know that it's gonna hurt somebody,

is sometimes unforgivable.

And you're lucky if you're forgiven.

But what if you do it the second time,

Would that person ever forgive you again?

Trust is broken.

Friendships broken.

Tears shed.

Words unspoken.

I know nowadays people just take what they want and do what they want.

But there are ways to do that.

Better ways to get what you want.

Not to bring people down,

hurting people.

Think about it.

If there's less hate,

and more love.

The suicide rates would definitely go down.

The world would be a better place to live in.

If we love the environment more than money,

we'd have better air and stuff.

(why am I being so green about this lol)

If we love the people who we think are different than us,

accept them,

instead of judging them,

mocking them for being who they really are,

there would be no war.

Just change your point of your view once in awhile.

Think of how you would feel if you're in their shoes.

Even in the trees' shoes LOL.

What if one day someone cut you down and slice off a piece of you to make paper,

and throw the rest of you away?

WOULD YOU LIKE THAT.

that escalated quickly. lol.

So, I hope I got my point through.

and hopefully this helps.

For those who are feeling alone,

don't.

Cuz I'm always here.

I understand more than you know.

I love you :) x

xoxo

Shine bright like a pizza.

#np: Diamond ~ Rihanna

It's now year 2013. damn.

I still remember like my first year of primary in 2003.

I was like so cute and stuff.

now,

I'm a potato.

Friends: You're pretty. I bet he has a crush on you too.

Family: You are so beautiful. I'm surprised you don't have a boyfriend.

Boys: I didn't know potatoes could walk.

hahahaah but I was once told I'm more beautiful and sexier than Riri.

I was like WOT and blushing so hard. man.

I'm a fragile person. DON'T DO THAT TO ME.

anywho, I'm in Sr2ScC. It feels horribly weird without them girls with me.

But we get group hugs every day after school SO YAY.

and it's not so bad. and the surprising thing is that,

I have the urge to learn for the whole week.

It's a good start :)

But I still need some time to get used to it.

Me in class at times:

My last year in high school. then I'm off.

My goal: To move to Europe.

It's a good place to escape to.

But of course, after I finish my university here.

which is in like 3/4 years, I think.

I have everything I need right there :)

but I will be away from my girls and our skype sessions would usually be us seeing each other's camera freezing or hearing each other talk like Chewbacca.

A big house by the beach, eating toast every morning and ANNIE c:

heheheheheh c;

and I will be working my butt off to look prettier, okay.

Promise.

Like her.

I mean I finally understand why Juju has her as a gf.

I mean she has a big heart.

and she' really beautiful :)

That's the life I wanna have, and that's what I'm working for.

xoxo

performance video.

Me being sexy. ok bai.